14 July 2011

Failed Attempts, 2

Step 1: Decide to become a famous drummer.

Step 2: Join the middle school orchestra. Decide to play trumpet. Get talked out of it by your mom, who knows that a deaf kid won’t have much luck with a pitched instrument. Take up drums instead. Half-ass your way through 6 years of boring music and mutual-hate relationships with your teachers, never giving up on music because the only other electives are art or business studies (screw that).

Decide to become a roadie instead. Take someone’s suggestion to volunteer at the local community theatre as a whatever. Become an usher. Receive no training that would be useful to a roadie, but meet someone who introduces you to a drum section leader of the local bagpipe band.

Join the bagpipe band. Learn the marches. Drink much beer. Move to Victoria, and join another band there. Drink still more beer. March around, learn more songs. Never practice enough to get any respect. Take up playing the djembe at open mike and jam nights at local bars. Meet cute guys, date them. Wear headphones everywhere you go, and dance in the street. Still don’t practice effectively.

Step 2 still in progress.

Step 3: ???

Step 4: Profit!

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